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Dear Joanie,

Thursday 8 September 2011


I’m thinking that what I really need is a widower. Burke is wonderful, of course, but he’s a serial divorcer, and though I don’t think for a moment he would want to ditch me (one has to be modest, but what man in his right mind has ever ditched me?), it makes for a difficult experience.
They get so contentious, don’t they. Divorcés, I mean.  The widower, on the other hand, is saddened by his loss, humbled by fate as it were, and eternally grateful to find a new mother for his children. Even if his children are 45, as Jason’s were, when he so forcefully pursued me. The widower knows the value of life and of love, and doesn’t want to waste another minute arguing. Which, preferably, results in him agreeing with me in most things. Or at least a damn sight more often than Burke does. 
If you think of it, Burke, through his many combative marriages, has been trained to fight. And he has been trained by one of the best in the field – I am speaking of Alice, of course. So his neurons are lined up to get argumentative and heated at the drop of a hat. Which means I have to be the mature party, and though as you know I pride myself on being very tolerant and wise, in spite of my precocious age (“old as a sequoia, young as a fawn”, I once wrote in a poem about myself), it takes a toll on my nerves to be the adult. If I wanted children, I’d have them the ordinary way, you see what I mean?
If divorcés are hardened combatants, Burke is a Green Beret. He ambushes, he snipes, he carpet bombs. I am getting severely fatigued from being the adult. Perhaps I should encourage him to take up a hobby. Like Thai boxing or oil wrestling, what do you think?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Lisa,

There's only one option: sticky bombs! They're the remarks one makes that seem nice and grown up at first. But five, ten, sometimes thirty minutes later they explode and the true message comes across. You'll be miles away by then, of course, and there is nothing for the recipient to do anything about it. Works like a charm, it does.

Love your letter as always!, Annie

Lisa on 12 September 2011 at 15:52 said...

"Sticky bombs!" I'never heard of them before. What a wonderful tool of passive aggression! As you know I'm not much inclined to activity, so the passive kind of aggression agrees with me wonderfully.

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