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Showing posts with label Nadal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nadal. Show all posts

Dear Julie,

Wednesday, 29 June 2011


I don't have a lot of time, but in my spare moments I sometimes glance at Wimbledon. Can you believe the BBC? They're showing the entire Murray match, while ignoring Nadal's quarter-final! This shows unbelievable contempt for their female viewers.

Can't believe Murray is allowed on the courts, anyway - hideous body hair in the wrong places (on his throat!), untanned, unpretty...I thought tennis was a spectator sport!

Love,

Lisa

Dear Helen,

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Thank God Nadal won, today.
He had a slight injury, in the first set, and stretched his magnificent legs out for the trainer. As a result, one could study these legs up close. (A purely aesthetic pleasure for me, of course.)
The atrocity about tennis has been, since many years, the change from normal short shorts (as God meant them to be) to the hideous baggy things the boys drape over their rectus femoris and gracilis muscles, these days. (No, dear, the ‘rectus’ in rectus femoris has nothing to do with what you’re thinking.)
Aren’t the sponsors worried about losing the female audience?
But you know how I always recover from the disappointments in my life. Especially when that splendid specimen of a Spaniard arrived on the scene – excuse the alliteration. What a thoroughly deserving physique! You know how I am normally a leg woman, and his are simply commendable. I’m also, to some extent, a chest woman – and I will go on the record as saying that Rafi’s chest, revealed when he changes into a clean t-shirt, is entirely beyond reproach.
Just the right amount of hair – too little chest hair induces sadness in me, as you know – but too much of it can put one entirely off one’s feed. Remember Sam Gotthardt? Daniel went to Greece with him, last year. They shared a hotel room, and when Sam undressed, Daniel found himself thinking: “Could evolution be true, after all?”
Our descent from apes  (oh goodness, wouldn’t Faber scream at me – “there’s only a common ancestor”; but I don’t care much for such academic distinctions), our descent from apes, I say, should not be too obvious in a man. Don’t you rather agree? It’s been proven, incidentally, that we have on average 4% of Neanderthal blood in our veins. Averages don’t mean much – I’m quite sure I have none, and that some people are close to 99%. I won’t mention names – but don’t you think it’s time to trade Scott in for a newer model, dear?
Anyway, Helen – Burke is genuinely worried I will try to get a date with Nadal. I suppose the dear man still thinks of me as 23 – isn’t that lovely? Mind you, I could still beat that young Spanish girl of Nadal’s, hands down. But I prefer not to.
I adore boys. But the truth of the matter is, and don’t ever tell Burke, that I can fall, emotionally, only for older men with personality disorders. And these days, I’m just not so sure that I feel like having sex without ‘feelings’. Well – now and then, of course, but not on a daily basis.
Incidentally – I haven’t yet cheated on Burke. What is the appropriate time, in a relationship, when one should start thinking about doing that? I always feel it’s rather de rigueur to observe a certain period of exclusivity, a little time set aside for one’s mate, only. But at 8 months into this thing, I’m getting a little jumpy…
Love,
Lisa

Dearest Joanie,

Monday, 6 June 2011

So, Nadal won his 6th Roland Garros, last night. What a pity I don’t live in Paris anymore! I’d have taken the boy out on the town, for an evening he’d never forget. Although – well, now that I’m with Burke  (a not necessarily very fortunate relic of that same Parisian period, if you’ll forgive my putting it so uncharitably), I’m not really supposed to wine and dine gorgeous 24 year olds.
I quite see the logic in that, I must say. You know I don’t believe in monogamy, but when I’m with a man who is very adamant about the subject, I do try not to hurt his feelings by shagging some nubile hottie. On the other hand, an older man with indifferent physique is fair game, I feel. Not that I’ve discussed it with Burke, or with most of my better halves, but it would be absurd to call a night out with somebody very ordinary, with an ordinary body, cheating. Don’t you rather agree? I mean, how could one’s partner possibly be jealous? I don’t think it’s genuinely cheating unless you put your heart and soul into it, I always say. And that is such a rare thing with me, as you know.
I shouldn’t watch those tennis matches. It’s insupportable, as the French say – you see this perfectly built child-man sweating and running around rippling his perfect muscles, and the next moment you look at your own partner, and…Well, I don’t mean to be unkind. But one does tend to compare, doesn’t one? I’ve been urging Burke to go to a gym, but I should be realistic. I suppose it’s hopeless. At his advanced age they just can’t do the Nadal shape, can they, even if they work at it 8 hours every day. Which I'm just certain he will refuse to do, when asked. Stupid Mediterranean stubbornness.

More later!

Lisa
 

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