Dear Carmen,

Well, have I ever! You remember Otto, my German lover of…well, absolute ages ago? Having never really gotten over me (so tedious when they don’t!) he sends me pictures, now and then, of his boys. And the oldest of these – well, you should see his photo! Did that boy suddenly blossom, in the past few years…It’s Otto, only much younger and with a divine body. Exactly as I’d always wished Otto looked. I daresay I wouldn’t have broken up with him if he had been in the shape that boy of his is in.

But what do you think? Typical German lack of a sense of humor! I wrote a message to young Dieter – he has a Facebook page, and I thought he might like to hear that a woman who knows a little bit about the world finds him attractive. You know how these 16 year olds are – they can be so shy, and so troubled about their acne, can’t they. Of course Dieter doesn’t have acne, or I wouldn’t have written to him. I mean, what would I have said, in that case? 

So, just to lift his pubescent spirits, I flirted a little with the lad, made some quite muted remarks about his bodily qualities, and I suppose I suggested he learn the ropes from an older woman like myself – in jest, actually. I have far too much on my plate to put up with an insecure teen right now.

However, Otto took the matter completely seriously, and wrote me to say “Do not ever contact my sons again”, with a CC to his lawyers! I was furious. It’s not even as if I did it for myself…Can’t a person be nice to another person, without all hell breaking loose? Really, I’m amazed at German prudishness. One wonders how they procreate.

Oh well! Love for now, my darling, from

Lisa